On self-love and coffee
“Don’t ever let anyone tell you that fairy tales aren’t real. I drink a potion made from magic beans every day, and it brings me back to life.”
Despite my best intentions, I haven’t posted for over two weeks. Part of me would say I was slacking off, another part would lovingly say I was just choosing my battles (and not choosing to fight all of them at the same time for a change). Bam! Self-love right there, my friends.
This year is, without a doubt, turbulent for all of us. For me, it is full of change and growth. But if God created the world in seven days, a human surely can re-create herself in a year, right? However, to be able to change anything, you must first understand it as it is. The same is true for changing yourself – how can you grow and evolve if you don’t even know who you are right now and where you’re starting from? And what if you thought you know yourself well, but then figure out you might not be the person you always were anymore?
Anybody who knows me at least a little knows I love coffee. This magic beans potion that brings me back to life every morning. A hug in a mug. I have my favorite coffee places, favorite coffee types for different occasions, moods and needs, multiple dedicated coffee mugs, and of course, several cups for coffee to go. I have a routine in preparing my coffee when I make it at home, and if somebody knows how I drink my coffee, it makes me feel genuinely happy, even loved. I hope this brief outline can help you pick up on the passion going on here.
And then.. my love for coffee has betrayed me one day. Going into Christmas last year, I pulled off one more busy, coffee-fueled week at work and jumped straight into feeling festive thanks to being home. I was so happy I completely forgot to drink coffee! The withdrawal hit me three days later with a migraine so colorful it has tied me to bed until 7pm. I have never experienced such a headache before. I have decided to use the holidays to detox from coffee completely and made a promise to myself to keep my love for this beverage within some more reasonable limits afterwards.
I didn’t last more than a few weeks before I got back to sipping my survival juice multiple times a day. I was not too happy about it at first, but then, who am I kidding – I’ve always loved coffee. It’s deeply embedded into who I am. Just because I am reading about coffee-detox left and right, it does not mean I need to stop drinking it too. Self-acceptance and self-love right there, right? I just decided to keep the “let’s be reasonable about it” part in the picture, and I have adopted the habit to have two coffees per day at most and not to drink my second coffee after 3pm.
And then.. life went on, and my new habits worked really well for me. Nevertheless, in the spirit of optimizing my health and finetuning the details, I have decided to try replacing some of my coffees with tea. In the beginning, my head could not get on board. I was so hooked on the idea of coffee that I felt a tea (and it does not matter how caffeine-rich it was) just does not cut it for me. The truth is, it did it for me even better, there was just nothing to notice it by. No familiar twitching, no anxiety, nothing. Just plain energy and focus. The absence of all the negative effects coffee has on me has led me into believing there were no effects whatsoever. It took me a very long time before I was able to take a step aside and try to observe the effects as objectively as I possibly can. The outcome is clear – my brain loves coffee (and they forever will), but my body loves its absence, water, and tea. Who would have thought - here I am today, at the beginning of a brand new relationship, exploring new shores, and giving in to an occasional affair with coffee on a sunny afternoon.
The point I am trying to get across with all of this banter is, self-love may have many forms, and those will evolve throughout your life just as you do. It can be having your coffee, or not having the coffee, quite equally. Sticking to what you feel is a genuine part of who you are is just as loving and caring as changing this part of you when you need to. Keep your mind open, observe, and adapt as often as needed. And feel free to have your self-love with both sugar and milk if that’s what you need.
