Let’s face it: we spend most of our waking hours focused at work. Whether in the office, commuting, preparing for it or thinking about it. The next big thing and chunk of our time (and no question that in terms of importance, it should be the other way around) are the relationships we have in our personal life. Whether it comes to relationship with your partner, your family or friends, we can probably agree it takes up another mighty piece of your time and headspace. But what in case the world crumbles in both? The answer is absolutely simple, yet may sound almost esoteric: self-love. But let me walk you through how I got to this conclusion.
How is it possible that sometimes, things seem to just work out on their own and sometimes one thing goes to shit and everything else just follows suit like house of cards? Why sometimes, even the smallest things at work or at home have the power to send us down the rabbit hole, when other times, all hell breaks loose but we still somehow feel as if we could take on the whole universe with bare hands if needed? I always searched for a pattern, certain logic that repeats itself, a stress and desperation on-switch if you will - just to turn it off for good. I hated the thought of not having control over how I felt and how I dealt with things that came my way, especially because I could not nail down where does the inconsistency come from. And I have to say, it took serious amount of time and couple of major shitstorms in life to come to the revelation I am about to share with you.
At times, when something major was happening in my life (majorly negative for the most part), I have caught myself saying things like: “This XY thing really sucks, but at work/at home all is well, I am healthy, so all in all I am doing fine”, or “work is really busy, but otherwise all is good, my relationship is going well, my health is good, so it is all fine.” After half an eternity of inspecting statements like these, it hit me: of course it is fine, as long as it is in just one main area out of the three pillars of my life.
“Love yourself and life becomes a party. ”
All of us have, in my opinion, three main pillars their life stands on and between which their time, attention and energy is split: work, relationships and self. The thing is - they usually come forward in this exact order. Work has the main priority, as it provides for food and shelter and is simply indispensable in the world we live in. Relationships most often come close second, because the need for closeness and belonging is wired into every single one of us. The problem with both these areas is, that satisfaction in either of them is to huge extent influenced by external circumstances or actions of other people, which we have limited to zero influence over. And that’s where the third pillar comes in. The only thing to rescue us and keep us afloat when the rest of our world crumbles is self-love. Whether you believe it or not, you are built in a way that enables you to endure anything life throws at you. The only premise is, that you need to take good care of yourself first. To take care of your health, happiness, wellbeing. That is what makes you truly strong when all you carry on your shoulders gets heavy, and it is fully in your hands. Everybody knows you can’t pour from an empty glass, right? To take care of everything else, you need to take care of yourself first. And who do you typically take the best care of? Of the people you love. So again – the only answer is to love yourself first.
And how to frickin’ love yourself if you feel like you suck at everything else and all is failing somehow, you ask me? Brilliant question you’ve raised. The answer is: simply exactly as you are. You’re human, which means that you are uniquely flawed and imperfect and that is just as wonderful as it is completely fine. And despite what you might think or see, everybody is. Nobody is perfect and nobody has it all figured out. And then – there is plenty of things you perceive as your flaws that others will find beautiful. Simply put, don’t believe everything you think, and love yourself regardless. You are the most expensive asset you will ever own, so you might as well treat yourself accordingly. And once you get started, you will see there is plenty of ways how to take good care of yourself, be loving, accepting and kind, even though it might sound like a complete nonsense right now - I promise.
And how can I be so sure? I am on the same journey too, and it is the most rewarding one I’ve ever been on.
And remember..
“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”