Tangled in the Christmas lights
“Cheer up, dude. It’s Christmas.”
Mariah Carey and Wham! are jumping from behind every corner. The city streets are lit up by all the angels and comets you can imagine. Your social media feed is exploding with all the gingerbread in the world, yet... you somehow still don't feel a thing. Instead of celebrating advent, you barely notice whether it's Saturday or Sunday, the only countdown on your mind is to the final work deadlines, and shopping for Christmas presents is just a well-suppressed nightmare.
Does that sound familiar, or is that just me?
Maybe it's just me. Don't jump to conclusions, please – I don't consider myself to be a Grinch. I don't hate Christmas. I just... I just have to admit that I'm not particularly looking forward to it either. Despite taking a solid break from work this year (full three weeks off!!), I don't feel festive a single bit. So I started to wonder why that is. Maybe we just never were the most festive family. Perhaps society puts so much weight on decorating, baking and gifting, that it all feels like a giant pile of to-do's I seem to be failing rather than something to look forward to. Maybe I am yet to experience the authentic, relaxed, stress-free Christmas spirit (that does not come from the liquor cabinet), and then I'll change my mind. And maybe it's just not my thing, and it never was, but I'm only fully getting to know myself now. Even though it has caught me by surprise, being honest to myself about it feels really, really good.
Just to be clear, the point here also definitely isn’t to shame all the people who LOVE Christmas to bits, listen to Christmas songs as soon as they finish their last pumpkin soup of the season, and carry the child-like joy with them forever. Not at all. Not even if their definition of Merry Christmas is getting as many presents as possible. I might disagree, but I don't mind. Honestly, just witnessing your excitement during this time of the year makes it lovely on its own (and sometimes it even rubs off on me for a moment or two, and that's nice).
What I do want to say, though, is, that the guilt of NOT feeling that way can get frickin' heavy sometimes. So I’ve decided to pronounce this year to be the first year when I fully accept and embrace not being part of the red-white gang, finally without feeling guilty about it. If I could have one wish, it would be for you not to feel guilty either, regardless of where on the scale from happy little elf to Grinch's grumpiest step-cousin you stand. So if Christmas is the time to get together and feel like we belong, and no one should be left behind, please know you are not alone, even if it would be just two of us.
Thanks for coming to my slightly greenish ted talk.
Merry Christmas, you all!
Or not.
I’ll leave that up to you. :)
