On crappy days
I always say that what you focus on, you get more of – but there is the other side of the coin, too. Just because you choose what you focus on, it does not make everything else disappear. Despite being the pathological optimist I am, I still need to put a lot of effort into choosing what my mind chews on. I am making sure it’s the good, happy, positive stuff. It. Is. A shit ton. Of work. The good news is, it gets easier with time and repetition. The bad news is, it does not stop the ‘bad’ days from coming anyway. (Spoiler alert: nothing can.)
I feel like the recent uptake in covid numbers and tightening lockdown measures, upcoming festivities (which can be stressful enough on its own), and the year-end pressure culminating at work are taking a toll on everyone. The grey weather and very few hours of daylight do not help. I consider myself a reasonably even-tempered and easy-going person. Still, a couple of days ago, I got deeply annoyed while watching Modern Family. How can they go to parties and family gatherings all the time? An unlimited number of participants, no masks or social distancing. I mean, how dare they air this during times like these. They know we can’t do it right now. (Yes, I know the show is from 2018. These days get the best of me sometimes.) The point of this rant is, regardless of how much I write (talk, post, share) about optimism, positivity, and gratitude, I have my crappy days too. To take this even one step further: all that I do and write about that has to do with happiness, health and being at peace comes from the fact that at some point in time, I felt like none of that at all. I felt like this needed to be said to avoid any confusion and set the record straight.
I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit these days. This year (and we all know it’s been a colorful one), I invested a lot of energy into growing, learning, pulling myself together, feeling better, and building healthy habits. In becoming the person I want to be. One would think that considering all that effort, the shift should be stable, even permanent. Guess what? Nope. The thing is, while you can hold the course, the journey will always be a winding one. Despite all the efforts, life just happens sometimes, and we’re all human after all. There are exactly zero benefits in beating ourselves up about it.
Only very few things you see on social media present the full picture and include behind the scenes. Nevertheless, I believe that both what you share and what you consume online are a matter of choice. For me, that means that even on shitty days, I consciously keep choosing to focus on the bright side. Regardless of that, I think we all should speak up and be honest about our lows more. Pretending all is sunshine and rainbows when it’s not doesn’t help anybody. So how about maybe accepting both sides of the coin more openly from now on? I will be keeping in mind to do more of that myself too.
“Grant yourself the grace that it is okay to not always be okay. ”
“There is no sunshine without the rain” they say. I think that is not entirely accurate. I feel it’s more like “stars can’t shine without the darkness”. They can; you just kinda don’t see them, right? The critical takeaway here is that rain simply makes us learn to appreciate sunshine more, the same way as only darkness shows off the stars. It is the contrast that makes us realize the soothing feeling of comfort once the discomfort passes.
The truth is that regardless of how zen-like you train yourself to be, shitty days will still come. They will also pass. What I learned is, the best I can do is to allow myself to feel what I need in the in-between and try to be gentle and compassionate with myself while I’m there.
“Make happiness a priority, and be gentle with yourself in the process. ”
Patience, young padawan. Better days are coming.
