On a personal note
If you told me a year ago that this is how my life would look right now, I would laugh it off.
I keep saying this for at least five years, and it’s been true for at least five more already. And yet, here I am. I can’t say it surprises me anymore – but year by year, it still isn’t like anything I would have expected.
I’ve been through a few years of massive change, both external and internal. I have moved countries, jobs and eventually changed my career direction completely. I have read a ton of books I both learned from and laughed with. I found music that made me think and sought silences that took me back into my body again. I learned to equally deeply enjoy a freezer pizza, a beer, a freshly made salad, or a cup of tea. Some relationships have deepened, some have transformed, some have emerged, and some have fallen apart.
I have fallen apart more than once and had to rebuild myself from scratch.. but damn, what an exhilarating ride. I learned to question everything I thought I knew – about myself and life – and came to so many surprising revelations it still blows my mind. In the spirit of today’s social media, I could say I look back on the person I once was with “Who is she? I don’t know her”, but I know her very well – and despite all the shit she ever got us into, I will always remember her kindly.
I have lived fast and furiously and learned to embrace the slow life, too - which, in the end, is one of the most surprising parts for me. My mind has pushed me to the edges of what I thought was possible at times, but I learned I have the strength to push back too. And that sleep, sun, friends, and fresh mountain air are the best medicine, after all.
How easy – and how pleasant! – it is to write these lines on a warm June night, with a window cracked open, some adventures ahead of me, and some freshly carved into memory. It would be too cocky to believe that all the good times are coming to stay. It would be equally naïve to think the tough times come to stay too. So here’s to today and to the days to come – whatever weather they might bring.
“The best thing about rock bottom is the rock part. You discover the solid bit of you. ”
P.S.: I hesitated about posting for a few days after writing this; it felt incomplete. Sure, it’s just a flow of my thoughts, but what am I trying to say? And in the end, I guess all I’m trying to say is that sometimes all a shitty situation requires us to do is to stick around, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually see what pops up over the horizon. More often than not, it’s another sunrise, after all.
